Got a toothbrush?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
