Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
