my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
