Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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