Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
