There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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