I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
