After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
