Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
