.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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