And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
