is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
