All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
This is my gift to your gina
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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