how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
