if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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