she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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