I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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