I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
