I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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