those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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