seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
