The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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