my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
