your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
