I wish I could teleport
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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