Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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