I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
