I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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