I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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