i was born a porn star she said
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
