the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
