I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
