stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i've created a new STD.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
