Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
