Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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