it's too hot outside to masturbate.
where does the pee come out of this thing
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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