i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
