walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
