That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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