jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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