so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
