MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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