Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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