Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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