woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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