your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
