You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
