So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
