don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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