Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
