Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
my liver is dry heaving
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
