Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
