pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
