I wish I only lived at night.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
