i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
