so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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