Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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