i need an iv and a liver transplant
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
